-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
|   502 | CAMPBEDP     | CHATTER              | 08/02/96 | 08/09/96 |     5    |
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| Description: The Enlightend One has left the Building.....                   |
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>>Bwahahahaahahah!!!!  Many imaginary evil faces am I making at you right now!
>>I hope that the chiggers eat right through your sallow little coating of skin
>>and consume you entirely.  Ha aha....I scoff at you, you silly little sports
>>car boy.  You spine of a slug.  I SPit in your general direction, you little
>>Ken impersonator.  No doubt those poor, defenseless little chiggers will turn
>>shit brown after they burrow under your skin and eat you alive!!!!  Bwahahahah
>
> One big hearty fuck you.  I wish I could staple you to my carpet and
>let you experience personally this hell that the Loft is right now.  I can't
>even step on the carpet more than three feet without one of them on me.  And,
>one more crack about that stupid light and I'm gonna break one across your
>sorry, ugly little face you rat.
 
 
[to be read in an Indian accent]
 
Oh dear, oh dear.  Threats of violence, people trapped in a world of sensory
suffering, malice towards innocent insects!  I am very, very disturbed.
Perhaps we should seek the advice of the Enlightened One, the Tathagata, the
all-purpose, thoroughly nifty Buddha!  Please to be following me...
 
He we are before the Enlightened One himself.  I shall ask him what he has to
say about your situation.  O great Buddha, these two do quarrel and post the
most pathetic of flames.  They have little talent and one of them is infested
by vermin!
 
 "IT APPEARS THAT THE TWO OF THEM ARE JUST BITCH-ASS BLIVITS DESPITE
HAVING POSTED HERE FOR SOME LENGTH OF TIME"
 
I see.  Enlighten us further.
 
 "THEY DO PRATTLE ON IN A MANNER MOST DISTURBING TO THE SERENITY OF THE
UNIVERSE, EVEN DURING THE SUMMER TIME WHEN ANY ACTIVITY IS USUALLY WELCOMED"
 
What do you recommend, O Enlightened One?
 
 "THAT THEY SHOULD SEE THE TRUE REALITY OF THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS OF
CHATTER:
 
 THE NOBLE TRUTH OF BLIVITHOOD
 THE NOBLE TRUTH OF THE ORIGIN OR ARISING OF BLIVITHOOD
 THE NOBLE TRUTH OF THE EXTINCTION OR CESSATION OF BLIVITHOOD
 THE NOBLE TRUTH OF THE PATH TO THE EXTINCTION OR CESSATION OF
 BLIVITHOOD.
 
 THESE ARE THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS OF CHATTER; TO KNOW THAT BLIVITHOOD
EXISTS, AND HOW BLIVITHOOD ARISES, AND THAT IT MAY CEASE, AND KNOWING THESE, TO
KNOW THAT A PATH EXISTS WITH WHICH ONE MAY STOP ANNOYING THE FUCK OUT OF
EVERYONE."
 
But what is the path to the Cessation of Blivithood, O Enlightened One?
 
 "IT IS THE NOBLE EIGHTFOLD PATH TO THE CESSATION OF BLIVITHOOD:
 
 1) RIGHT READING
 2) RIGHT POSTING
 3) RIGHT NOT POSTING
 4) RIGHT FLAMING
 5) RIGHT GROVELING
 6) RIGHT TAKING IT TO MAIL
 7) RIGHT READING THE FUCKING MANUAL
 8) RIGHT SILENCE WHEN YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO SAY
 
 THIS IS THE NOBLE EIGHTFOLD PATH TO THE CESSATION OF BLIVITHOOD.  WHEN
ONE HAS MASTERED THE STEPS TO THIS PATH, ONE MAY ENTER INTO A STATE OF
BLISSFUL EXISTENCE AND FULL UNDERSTANDING, WHEREUPON ONE'S POSTS ARE MOST
AMUSING AND DO NOT MAKE OTHERS REACH FOR THEIR LEAD PIPES."
 
We are most thankful for your wisdom, O Tathagata.  Do you have any further
advice for these two?
 
 "YES.  JESSICA, TAUNT NOT THOSE WHO ITCH INCESSANTLY, OR LIKE BURGER
KING, YOU WILL HAVE IT YOUR WAY.  TIM, BE NOT QUICK TO TAKE THE OBVIOUS BAIT OF
OTHERS FOR IT MAKES YOU LOOK EVEN STUPIDER THAN USUAL.  AND GIVE ME YOU CAR.
THE BUDDHA NEEDS A BITCHIN' CAR, SO THAT HE MAY MACK BITCHES.  THAT IS ALL."
 
- Joker