-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 65512 | JCLIRA | STORIES | 02/17/95 | 02/24/95 | 4 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: Long long ago, in a Miracle Bra far far away | ================================================================================ long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Hundreds of tons of burnished steel lunged on impulse power through the asteroid field. The imperial star battleship Mammary is pummeled by meteor after meteor. Inside the huge craft, A dark, topheavy figure paces back and forth up the bridge. Her face is hidden by a black mask and her breathing was the only sound audible aside from the bleeping of computer terminals. She was known to all the galactic empire merely as Lydia Vader. Seated at the main terminal was a scruffy-looking pilot. Despite his unkempt hair and beard, Han Zlogar was known as the best navigator in the galaxy. He was audacious, reckless, independant, and very, very good. Sitting at his side was the horrendously evil inquisitor of the Empire, Grand Moff Muskox. Abruptly the ship was rocked by collision with a giant asteroid. The whole ship slammed sideways, and it poured Darth Lydia into the Grand Moff. Her boobs bowled him over. Red lights began to floash as Muskox scrambled back to his feet. Darth Lydia whirled on Han Zlogar. "Careful, you fool!" she yelled. "Do you want to get us all killed?" Impertinently, Zlogar replied "Hey, listen, your highness, anytime you want to take a crack at flying this thing, feel free to take a shot. Yeah, that's what I thought. You just keep it buttoned, Lady, 'cause I'm the best pilot there is and you don't want to lose me." Lydia growled "Your puny pilot's license is insignificant when compared with the power of the dark side." "Yeah?" he retorted "Well, your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not conjured up Laura's ship, hiding somewhere behind the Moons of Pi, nor has it given you clairvoyance enough to find the plans to the Rebels' secret weapon, the Titless Kettle. In fact, I think its all a bunch of...." here Zlogar stopped. His hands flew to his nipples. He tried to cover them, but his face began to break into a grimace, then screams of pain. Lydia Vader was making twisting motions with her hands. "I find your lack of faith disturbing." she quietly commented. "Lord Vader" interrupted Grand moff Muskox "Our scanners are indicating a ship 200 kilometers away, leaving the moons of Pi." "Laura!" said Vader, whirling from Zlogar. He collapsed to the ground, breathing relief. He massaged his nipples. "We can't be sure..." said Muskox. "It _is_ her. I can feel it." said Lydia Vader "The Tits are strong on her. Captain Zlogar, full speed ahead!" "She's entering light speed." announced Muskox. "She won't get far." replied Lydia. "She's heading straight for Kevtooine...homeworld of Kevin the Rusch. Radio ahead and have our friend Kevin prepare a surprise for that Rebel scum." Meanwhile, on the speeding Rebel ship, a beautiful girl grimly plugged in the coordinates to the ship's computer. She was clad all in white, and her breasts were nearly as big as Lydia Vader's. She knew that between the Mammary in hot pursuit and Kevin the Rusch's palace on Kevtooine, she would be caught. She had to call in the help of an old friend. Someone else who believed in the light side of the Tits. She inserted the disk containing the plans for the Titless Kettle into her faithful robot, the sexturbine 2000. Then she put it into an escape pod. Before she sent the robot hurtling into outer space, she had it take a holographic image of her pleading; "Help me, kittyCat Kenobi. You're my only hope." to be continued...