-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 66564 | JDCAPRIO     | CHATTER              | 03/14/95 | 03/28/95 |    14    |
| Description: fyi ... ysos!                                                   |

Okay, seeing as how this board has been flooded with an ample supply ... nay,
nay, an *overwhelming* garbage truck full ... of newbies and vax virgins as of
late (blame it on LYDI, she wanted DAKS to be in the Washington Post!), things
have gotten - well, soft.  Odd.  In need of improvement.  Why, I remember in
the old days ... oh, fuck it.  tfotm is, they're not going away.  Why?  Cause
the flame rate in here has gone from nuclear to zippo.  Although, Sarah didn't
last oo long, but I got a feeling she'd run from the MISC bb as well.  But,
point being, much like a bad case of herpes that won't go away, there is only
one way to deal with this situation.  No, I don't mean lying to your partner, I
mean just deal with it.
Chatter is fluid, in constant montion.  Much like my bowel movements.
The process of dealing with it does demand a certain amount of "education" by
the regulars around here.  Admittedly, "education" often (preferedly) involves
handcuffs and other sex toys hidden upstairs at New Orleans, but there is a
slightly more civilized manner of dealing with things as well.  So, temporarily
and uncharacteristically, I will step out of hard-ass mode and offer a "Chatter
basics" file here.  This ain't no FAQ, either, dammit.  For that, you'll want
to look in usr6:[LSBUMGAR.text.info.chatter.faqs]chatter_ver34.faq.
FA-Q.  (hee hee)
Okay, I offer this, not out of niceness, but out of a genuine desire to
improve my surroundings.  And I better get some thanks and sexual favors for
this, because back at the beginning of time I actually had to *learn* all this
shit - some dude didn't give it to me in a post.
You parents may owe you money.  Oprah said so.
Okay, here's the basics of the basics:  Ackronyms and smileys.  In one handy,
7-11 convient, bite sized file.  Now listen - some of these are
chatter-specific, some are only used on the International Internet, and some are
both.  you'll just have to figure it out; I'm not gonna spoon-feed your ugly
rotflm[q/s]ao - rolling on the floor laughing my [queer/straight] ass off.
timfpot[w/m/y/s/h] - this is my favorite post of the [week/month/year/semester
btdt  - been there, done that.
fyi  - for your information
mbirhibhwlity  - my brother in Richmond has it, but he won't lend it to you.
Fat poeple can't help it.  Oprah said so.
imho  - In my humble opinion.
imnsho  - In my not so humble opinion.
btpomeb  - By the power of my enourmous brain
gigo  - Garbage in, garbage out.
wysiwyg  - What you see is what you get (not Windows)
emfa  - Evil Maria's fat ass.
luamswn  - Let us all make small whooping noises.
Alcolholism is a disease.  Oprah said so.
mego  - My eyes glaze over.
ianmtu  - I am not making this up.
soiswalod - Staring off into space with a look of dismay.
iowwg  - If only we weren't gentlemen.
rtfm  - read the fucking manual.
oth  - Oh, the humanity!
fyysos  - Fuck you, you sack of shit!
Black men are getting no justice in Athens, Georgia.  Oprah said so.
waaeoua  - We are all, each of us, alone.
antiwc  - At night, the ice weasels come.
iwncwmhancph - If we're not careful, we may have a new catch phrase here.
atwihtkta - And that's why I had to kill them all.
k  - Help
DAK  - Delta Alpha Kappa
chooh  - Alcohol
stfu  - Shut the fuck up.
Second hand smoke will get your kitten pregnant.  Oprah said so.
foad  - Fuck off and die.
fyathyrio - Fuck you and the horse you road in on.
btdtc  - Beware the dead tillobye conspiracy.
nn  - (Assumed International) Net News.
MUD  - Drug
MUSH  - You're brain after it's mudded out.
A non-interlaced monitor will cause alzheimer's.  Oprah said so.
aisb  - Anceint Illuminated Sears (or, seers) of Bavaria.
poee  - Paratheo-anametamysttikhood of Elvis Esoteric
ikmtgbtt - I kept meaning to get back to that.
IHHD  - Internet Head-to-Head DOOM.
ygyfcn  - You go, you fucking cave newt!
iywadybsw - If you were any dumber, you'd be Sheryl Wood.
Matches soaked in virgin olive oil burn better.  Oprah said so.
Okay, there are more but that should get you started.  Of course, having a full
knowledge of ackronyms won't give you the wit and fierocity that you are so
desperately lacking.  Get on it.
SMILEYS.  Awrite.  Chatter, etc, is, despite the illusion of aura and presence,
essential a test based medium (save my impressive ascii art, but this is
porbably too high brow for your little measly intellects).  So, the neccessity
for smiley faces has surfaced over the years, to introduce the element of
emotion and such.  To suggest irony, humor, sarcasm, etc.  For example:
Laura White is a fucking idiot.
Laura White is a fucking idiot.  :)
These above statement hold an entirely different attitude about them.  They
both, of course, suggest that Laura White of an idiotic nature, and a fucking
one at that, but the latter statement, had Isaid it to her face, would save me
from getting my balls kicked into my throat.  They would only be kicked up to
my spleen.  You got it.
Here they are, in all their quota-killing glory:
[PS current protocol dictates the omission of the "nose"; ie; use :) instead of
:-).  And the reason Laura White is a fucking idiot is because she makes her
smileys like this:  (:    ]
:-)   Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
      joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.
;-)   Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
      More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.
:-(   Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
      or depressed about something.
:-I   Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
      good as a happy smilie
:->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
Late night infomercials have little to offer you in the way of fullfillment.
Oprah said so.
>:->  User just made a really devilish remark.
>;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.
Those are the basic ones...Here are some somewhat less common ones:
(-:   User is left handed
%-)   User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
:*)   User is drunk
[:]   User is a robot
8-)   User is wearing sunglasses
8:-)  Sunglasses on head
::-)  User wears normal glasses
B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses
Sunglasses won't get you women.  Oprah said so.
8:-)  User is a little girl
:-)-8 User is a Big girl
:-{)  User has a mustache
{:-)  User wears a toupee
}:-(  Toupee in an updraft
:-[   User is a Vampire
:-E   Bucktoothed vampire
:-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
:-7   User juust made a wry statement
:-*   User just ate something sour
Transvestites need love too.  Oprah said so.
:-)~  User drools
:-~)  User has a cold
:'-(  User is crying
:'-)  User is so happy, s/he is crying
:-  User is screaming
:-#   User wears braces
:^)   User has a broken nose
:v)   User has a broken nose, but it's the other way
:<)   User is from an Ivy League School
:-&   User is tongue tied.
=:-)  User is a hosehead
- -:-)  User is a punk rocker
- -:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)
Sexual experimentation can be healthy, but not at a young age.  Oprah said so.
:=)   User has two noses
+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
`:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
,:-)  Same thing...other side
|-I   User is asleep
|-O   User is yawning/snoring
:-Q   User is a smoker
:-?   User smokes a pipe
O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)
O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
:-P   Nyahhhh! (Chatter variation - user is sticking tounge out at you)
:-S   User just made an incoherent statement
:-D   User is laughing (at you!)
:-X   User's lips are sealed
McDonalds may not be sanitary.  Oprah said so.
:-C   User is really bummed
<|-)  User is Chinese
<|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
:-/   User is skeptical
C=:-) User is a chef
:-o   Uh oh!
(8-o  It's Mr. Bill!
*:o)  And Bozo the Clown!
3:]   Pet smilie
3:[   Mean Pet smilie
E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
:-9   User is licking his/her lips
%-6   User is braindead
Death of a loved one can be traumatic, and you can sue your houseplants.  Oprah
said so.
[:-)  User is wearing a walkman
(:I   User is an egghead
<:-I  User is a dunce
:-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)
:-:   Mutant Smilie
.-)   User only has one eye
,-)   Ditto...but he's winking
X-(   User just died
8 :-) User is a wizard
C=}>;*{))  Mega-Smilie... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
                          a mustache, and a double chin
Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.
:)  Midget smilie
:]  Gleep...a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend
   Provided by Paul Jones
   (murpes says, "Who the fuck is Paul Jones?  Undoubtably someone from the
International Internet.  I got this list from .... LSBUMGAR!")