-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 75340 | BMRODGER | CHATTER | 03/20/96 | 03/30/96 | 7 |
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| Description: going to be assassinated in the first week... |
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ok, sitting at spanky's last night with a few people and the "griffey in '96"
nike commercial came on the tv. so we start talking about the 1996 election
and suddenly realized how much fun we could have if we ran the country. more
importantly, how fucked up things could be if we ran the U.S.
so, assuming that i kick dole and clinton in the ass this november, we've come
up with a good cabinet to keep us in office. but who's where, you ask?
Judge: President, suave, amiable, and able to piss people off by saying the
wrong thing at the wrong time.
JC: International affairs should definitely be part of his daily routine so
meet Secretary of State Lira. He's mean, he's tough, he's got his
finger on the button so please don't piss him off.
Omar: Speaker of 'da House. which would also make him VP. and yes, he knows
how to spell things, so don't ask.
Robin: Surgeon General. helping us all understand the....uhhh...dangers of
smoking.
Bob: Secretary of Agriculture. 'nuff said.
Mark: Secretary of the Interior. after all, who else is going to be helping
out with the domestic policy that Bob's trying to implement?
CC: Director of the CIA....er....make that the CCIA.
Nancy: Secretary of the Treasury. *shrug* we'll have unlimitied funds. :)
Z: Secretary of Education. frightening thought. almost as bad as me with
executive power.
Tim: HUD Secretary. Hey, he wanted it.
Tuna: Secretary of Defense. c'mon. who in their right minds would attack us
with him in charge?
Sheryl: Head of NASA Programming.
BJ: Head of Extra-Terrestrial Affairs and Court Jester
Dana: Campaign Manager. i need somebody to shut me up to avoid pissing off
certain activist groups. and to keep anyone from knowing how much
money the Scorched Earth Party is kicking into the campaign.
Lori: NSA Director. Hell, most of the information floats her direction
anyway.
Cappy: Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. he's got enough green army men to
do the job.
Amy: Majority Whip (it should be noted that Secretary Lira swoons each time
he hears this).
Andy: ACLU President and First Stalker of the Chief Executive. ;)
Frankie: Secretary of Parks and Recreation / Chief of the NEA (drama teachers
of the US beware....)
Doug: FCC Chairman. RFL all day, every day, 24-7. Except for a radio
station in Dallas that does nothing but play bagpipe music.
Laura: Chief of the Fashion Police (hence the top ten list earlier today)
Cat: First Pet
Charlan: Head of the Secret Service
Kev: Director of the IRS (no one, and i mean NO one, will ever try not to
donate to the beer/alcohol fund ever again)
Freddie: Secretary of Labor (we'll never have to work for a paycheck again)
JOSE~: Archivist of the United States
Andrea: Director of the FBI
Meg: Head of the X-Files Division of the FBI
PING!: Now we needed to put him somewhere that was guaranteed to screw up if
he ran it so we figured that there's one spot that needed to be
completely fucked up. so we put him in charge of the DEA.
Dan: Amb. to Jamaica (hey, bob's stuff has to come from somewhere)
Shay: Amb. to England
KT: Librarian of Congress
Janet: Secretary of Exotic Activities
Jackie: Press Secretary
Zak: Amb. to Greek Row
Maria: Amb. to Siberia
Jessica: Cannon Fodder, if anything goes wrong, she was the mastermind behind
it all. ;)
Laura G. : Fish and Wildlife Game Warden of the U.S.
Cole: Minority Whipped (i didn't come up with this one...but i did laugh)
and, of course, the national anthem is now "Sunshine on Me Bum"
ah, yes. DC will never be the same. :)
-thejudge / hail to the chief, he's the one we all say hail to.....