-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 64497 | STU_NEWALDMA | CHATTER | 01/18/95 | 01/25/95 | 13 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: for your entertainment | ================================================================================ This is an brain-child of JOSE~ and jon, and JOSE~ told me about it, so i humbly submit to all of you...At this bar we call JMU...Chatter Drinks: The tuna: A simple drink, but one of our most popular. Beer, preferrably Bud light, served cold. Try our new Keg size! It'll have you jumping around and telling tales of the sea in no time. "Boy, I was drinkin' the tuna before you were shittin yellow in yer diapers." The Miss Lydia: This little lady will get your heart pumping. A double shot of Goldschlager served with our special "Damn! Lookit dem tits" ice cubes, and garnished with fresh rose petals. But remember, you have to finish the drink before we finish our song..."Lydia, oh Lydia, oh have you seen Lydia? Lydia the tattooed lady?" Any patron that finishes two Miss Lydia's gets a package of temporary tattoos free! The Lady Kamikaze: She's no fool, and she knows her english and right justification posts! Enjoy a gallon of our Rhine Wine, garnished with a Capri cigarette and an attitude. Served in our half-gothic, half-mainstream mug. It goes down easy, and is often referred to as the "best [drink] on the East Coast. But remember, after one or two Lady K's, you should really try to stay away from the stereo. "Turn the stereo down, you stupid *****!" The Lost City of Atlantis: Swim the depths of the Carribean and find the Lost City of Atlantis. Somewhere within this sweet and tart creation of Blue Curucao and Rum blended into a frothy, chilled sea, and topped with fresh fruit, the mysteries of the ages await you. Served in our collectable mermaid glasses. Be warned, though... one sip, and either your closet will burn down, or you'll be so f***ed up you'll hafta use SUPERMENU (tm) to VAX. Ivan the Terrible: If the Vikings had ever gotten a hold of *this* drink, they would have never left home and conquered Europe! Captain Morgan's, vodka, and kaluha served in our King Olav horned vessel, and garnished with a marshmallow speared by a plastic sword. "I hereby knight thee...." The Megasaurus: A fresh, sunny drink to match a nice girl's disposition. Sunkist and fresh oranges and tangerines whipped into a light, golden delight that will put a perpetual smile on your face and make you want to do nice things for people. It's garnished with cherries, and a neat paper umbrella. Ordering this drink constitutes an automatic trial period as a member of the NGC (tm). The Mavlet: Don't let this drink fool you. Only *real* vaxnerds drink this. It's white, it's served warm or cold, and it's got everything you need. People have been known to talk babytalk after a few sips of this drink! The Maverick: A classy drink, with plenty of snap to get those synapses off on a more witty and fun-loving path. Lemon juice, freshly squeezed; vodka, sugar, and soda collaberate to form a fizzy concoction to get the most stoic individual giggling like a catholic school girl at a dirty joke. The Maverick does, however, take a long time to finish, since it's traditionally followed by a Mavlet chaser. For a limited time, the Maverick comes with a free shot glass. The White Wolf: In the icy tundras lurks this giant beast of ancient legend. The White Wolf. Our special version of the White Russian will get you howling in no time. Try it with a Mavlet chaser. But please, for the sake of our other customers, mark your territory outside the establishment. The White Wolf also comes with a free shot glass for a limited time. Jenny's Delight: Shirley Temple, nuff said. If you say "Beeeyyutch" just right, we'll give you *two* cherries. Be warned, however... too many, and you may end up feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body! The Rgt. Hon. Rev.: We must've been on something good when we created this drink. Two bricks of freeze dried ice cream purchased at the Air and Space Museum in DC blended with any and all kinds of clear liquor we could find. You'll be preaching to the masses in a matter of nano seconds, and you'll like it when things go "BOOM!". The Pope: A high-brow, sophisticated drink that will have you speaking in tongues. Two shots of rye whiskey, bitters, sugar, almond extract are mixed together deliberately and carefully to form liquid Shakespeare. A whole coffee bean is thrown in just for good measure. DISCLAIMER: This drink has been known to create holes in people's tongues, and other parts of their anatomy, and the management will not be held responsible for any perforations, accidental or otherwise, to our customers. The Red Omar: Don't let the size of this drink fool you, it's got kick. For those morning-after-blues, we suggest the Red Omar. Rum, Grenadine, a squirt of soda, and ice. You probably won't feel any better, but it's fun playing with party leftovers! Served in our collectable Doom glass and with a complimentary hand rolled cigarette, the Red Omar will have you looking bleary-eyed and exhausted in no time. "Hair of the dog?" "It's a hair of somethin', but it sure as hell isn't any dog!" Woof. The Evil Maria: She's a simple girl, uncomplicated, but if you're not careful, she'll take you down by the Godiva Chocolates so fast, you'll think she was superman....with a really big stick. Guinness. Guinness and mango sorbet (soaked in our finest Irish Mist, of course). Good Luck, and watch out for flying dust puppies. The Velvet Underground: This dark, sweet, and mysterious drink will get you into a pensive mood. You'll feel the need to wear dark clothing and act like a moody artist. It's amazing what Amaretto and Coke will do to you. Some people swear that it tastes EXACTLY like a Lady Kamikaze, but we're not sure....and we ain't talkin'. The Cappio: Artistic and strong willed, this drink will have you babbling on and on about Tennessee Williams and other literary greats with all the beatnicks after hours. We combine congnac, honey, cappucino, and cocoa powder in a drink that will warm the cockles of any starving artist's heart. But, be warned, it's more difficult to get a date after you order the Cappio. The Cole Fike: It's strong, it's dark, and you'll be flat on your back quicker than you'd think after the Cole Fike. A generous amount of superstrong espresso and dark rum. We can also latte this for you, or give you a mountain of froth in our cappucino version. Order this one now, our special fish mugs are offered only for a limited time. *limit one per customer, excluding tuna and meg. The Joker: This tall (lanky, actually) cool one is built to please. It's your basic screwdriver, but with a couple extra "bits" for fun. Vodka, orange juice, tequila (Pepe Lopez, of course), and Grand Marnier in our special collectible Joker glass. It's 10 inches high, with a joker emblazoned on the side. Some PEOPLE feel a NEED to say that there are subliminal messages about THE WHOOPIST CHURCH hidden somewhere within the DRINK, and there are MORE rumors on the way, but these are unsubstantiated. The Moonpie: A nice contrast to the Joker, this sweet drink brings back memories of hot southern summer nights, RC cola, and moonpies. We make our own moonpie ice cream out of vanilla, chunks of chocolate, marshmallows, and banana liqour, then we float this wonderful treat in RC cola. "The man in the moon is smiling cuz he's in love with the Girl in the world." The Jon-jon: Was college hell for you? Did you discover you had an affinity for ephedrine and cloves? Well, the Jon-jon is for you! We've taken quality peach schnappes, made it into a frostie, and added liquid ephedrine with a few chocolate covered espresso beans thrown in for flavor. Wake up that brain! Open those breathing passages! Light the clove! What are you waiting for? You've got a paper due in the morning, man! El Jose~: This drink of one of our most dangerous. Made up of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen, and followed by a communion wine chaser, it's been known to make our customers disappear for a semester's time or so, then suddenly come running back yelling, "Here fishy, fishy, fishy!" Omega Z: Not many people order this drink, folx, and those that do have usually regretted it. Hold onto your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride. 1 part each: spiced rum, clear rum, and cheap rum. 1 part each: vodka, grain, and tequila. 1 part each: attitude, lack of tact, and bad hair. We throw in a clove and a camel for flavor, and color it with blue hair dye. But remember, The Cat's Meow: Are you a romantic? Then the Cat's Meow is the drink for you. Sweet and heady, the Cat's Meow will wrap you in her arms and make you purr. Black raspberry flavored brandy and dry champange is combined in our 'Frisky Kitten' collector's glass and garnished with fresh raspberrys. Pucker up and enjoy! MANAGEMENT NOTE: Due to legal complications, the Cat's Meow is currently illegal throughout the U.S. until the trademark case is over. The Strange Lass: It's a quiet drink, but pithy. Lots of witticisms and black leather are mixed together to form this quiet, but potent drink. When drinking the Strange Lass, however, remember never to recite puns or jingle bells. Leper in Training: Alot like the Strange Lass, but less leather, and much bigger. It goes well with the Evil Maria as a chaser. You may feel the need to run from puns and bells as well as recite awful leper jokes, but the general populous will like you. It makes you grin like a feral wolf. The Super80: This drink is bold and brash. It will offend the senses as well as your morals, but have no fear, the old regime will love you if you can handle at least *one* Super80. Served in our special "FYYSOS" commemorative mug, the Super80 blends rum, vodka, Yukon Pete, and strawberry daquiri mix. "Son, I don't believe you understand the gravity of your situation." The Sir William Roundy: A good drink. Tall, dark, and handsome, and creates a spontaneous need for backrub chains. Oooo la la! After one sip of this drink, you'll feel the need to wear really kickin' dark clothes, a top hat, and glasses. "I have sailed oceans of time for you." The Shadowfax: In honor of the no-no zones, the Shadowfax will be a shooter with kaluha, irish cream and topped with a generous amount of whipped cream. Since it's a no-no zone, no hands allowed. The Red Wolf: A drink all the girls want to taste, but be warned! This one goes best with the Miss Lydia. A generous portion of Fire Water topped off with just enough 151 to get the home fires burning. It's hot, spicy, and keeps the customers running back for more. One word. "Yummy!" Gnome Ale: Long ago, in a time of legends, cynical little gnomes ruled the earth. Now, there are but a fading few who remain among us, but they have left us a legacy, the recipie for Gnome Ale. Hot, spiced cider with Cap'n Morgan's, vodka, and a bit a Firewater for that legendary kick. But remember, never turn your back on a gnome...they're right at butt level. La Bella Luna: Kaluha and cream is our offering to the Moon Goddess. We're sure that you'll fall under her spell of love and mystery. Take a sip and follow your heart. "Amore! La Bella Luna!" *no longer available The Sting: Can you say, flame? I knew you could. Enjoy this flaming shooter of 151, and just throw caution to the wind. Dance like you've never danced before; wear silk, like you've never worn silk before! Try an attitude snap! Honey, let me tell you, you will feel like the *original* firecracker. Misha's Toy: It's yummy, it's sweet, and it's green! Learn from me grasshoppah, and partake of this ancient mixture of Creme de Menth, Creme de Cacao, and milk. But remember, one too many, and you become, Misha's Toy! Note: Becoming Misha's Toy requires the toy to wear a lime green "I Dream of Jeanie" outfit. The Muskox: This drink, put simply, is odd. It's Dr. Slice. It looks weird, it sounds weird, and I don't know about you, but i'm not gonna touch it. There are rumors that this drink causes sudden lapses of thought, and that you tend to say things directly without filtering them through the "Would this piss people off?" barrier. If you're brave, and have no fear of getting threatened three or four times a day, go for it. But don't say we didn't warn you. The Lilmisshipsway: Wow! This drink definitely is a favorite, but it's got punch. Imagine something sweet and saucy, like a margarita, and throw in some indignant femenist insults, an English major vocabulary, and grind up a phallus for garnish. Served in our special "The Clit is IT!" glass. Boom-chicka, boom-chicka, boom! The Darkling: A quiet drink, as drinks go. Dark and mysterious with an affinity for period dress. Your basic black and tan, but with a secret ingredient known only to us, and the spirits of the universe. If you like playing in the dark, the Darkling is for you. The SXTU2000: A rockin, hold on to your seat, non-alcoholic version of a Screaming Orgasm, served with a cherry. This drink is sweet and tart and can turn on you at any given moment. If you like, we can make it into a frosty and whip it up using our own SXTU2000! It's also a drink mixer! It is served with complimentary chocolate covered espresso beans. The Woodrow: This drink has an odd effect on most of our customers. One sip and people tend only to speak in innane single sentences. As the evening progresses, however, the effect has been known to lessen, and even in some cases, improve their ability to speak and flame exponentially. This drink is also served with a cherry. The Cooth: Sometimes we forget where we put the ingredients for these drinks. They like to hide around the bar, then pop up once in a while. The Cooth, Queen of all that Lurks is a great drink. Sweet, but with real punch. After one Cooth, our patrons are usually kissing the floor, a great way to meet people, I must say. The Spike: Whoa Mama! This drink will make you want to light big fires, play loud music, and frolick in the fields of BumF*ck. The Spikey is a great drink to share with friends....alot of them. You'll see visions of horses and dogs, and feel the need to roast marshmallows after a Spikey. But remember, you *do* have to go to work for "da man" in the morning...so take it easy, hon. God Of Thunder: Thor, the God of Thunder is the most expensive and wanted drink in the whole place. It's a little grumpy, but a sweet old bear, nonetheless. One sip and you'll want to be on the fist bus to the monestary! And you'll personally want to hog tie a Miss Lydia to the front grill and play chicken with passing 18-wheelers. All abooooaaarrd! Dang!: A good drink. Freshly squeezed lemonade, just like Momma used to make. It's sweet, it's tart, and everyone loves it. You get a free drink when you order the Dang! by yelling, "Hey! Blondie!". The Dang! used to come with a REO Speedwagon chaser, but those are sadly no longer available. "welcome to chatter.bar - my name is death, how may i serve you?