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| 64497 | STU_NEWALDMA | CHATTER              | 01/18/95 | 01/25/95 |    13    |
| Description: for your entertainment                                          |
This is an brain-child of JOSE~ and jon, and JOSE~ told me about it, so i
humbly submit to all of you...At this bar we call JMU...Chatter Drinks:
The tuna:  A simple drink, but one of our most popular.  Beer, preferrably Bud
light, served cold.  Try our new Keg size!  It'll have you jumping around and
telling tales of the sea in no time.  "Boy, I was drinkin' the tuna before you
were shittin yellow in yer diapers."
The Miss Lydia:  This little lady will get your heart pumping.  A double shot of
Goldschlager served with our special "Damn! Lookit dem tits" ice cubes, and
garnished with fresh rose petals. But remember, you have to finish the drink
before we finish our song..."Lydia, oh Lydia, oh have you seen Lydia?  Lydia
the tattooed lady?"  Any patron that finishes two Miss Lydia's gets a package
of temporary tattoos free!
The Lady Kamikaze:  She's no fool, and she knows her english and right
justification posts!  Enjoy a gallon of our Rhine Wine, garnished with a Capri
cigarette and an attitude.  Served in our half-gothic, half-mainstream mug.  It
goes down easy, and is often referred to as the "best [drink] on the East
Coast.  But remember, after one or two Lady K's, you should really try to stay
away from the stereo.  "Turn the stereo down, you stupid *****!"
The Lost City of Atlantis:  Swim the depths of the Carribean and find the Lost
City of Atlantis.  Somewhere within this sweet and tart creation of Blue
Curucao and Rum blended into a frothy, chilled sea, and topped with fresh
fruit, the mysteries of the ages await you.  Served in our collectable mermaid
glasses.  Be warned, though... one sip, and either your closet will burn down,
or you'll be so f***ed up you'll hafta use SUPERMENU (tm) to VAX.
Ivan the Terrible:  If the Vikings had ever gotten a hold of *this* drink,
they would have never left home and conquered Europe!  Captain Morgan's, vodka,
and kaluha served in our King Olav horned vessel, and garnished with a
marshmallow speared by a plastic sword.  "I hereby knight thee...."
The Megasaurus: A fresh, sunny drink to match a nice girl's disposition.
Sunkist and fresh oranges and tangerines whipped into a light, golden delight
that will put a perpetual smile on your face and make you want to do nice
things for people.  It's garnished with cherries, and a neat paper umbrella.
Ordering this drink constitutes an automatic trial period as a member of the
NGC (tm).
The Mavlet:  Don't let this drink fool you.  Only *real* vaxnerds drink this.
It's white, it's served warm or cold, and it's got everything you need.  People
have been known to talk babytalk after a few sips of this drink!
The Maverick:  A classy drink, with plenty of snap to get those synapses off on
a more witty and fun-loving path.  Lemon juice, freshly squeezed; vodka, sugar,
and soda collaberate to form a fizzy concoction to get the most stoic
individual giggling like a catholic school girl at a dirty joke.  The Maverick
does, however, take a long time to finish, since it's traditionally followed by
a Mavlet chaser.  For a limited time, the Maverick comes with a free shot glass.
The White Wolf:  In the icy tundras lurks this giant beast of ancient legend.
The White Wolf.  Our special version of the White Russian will get you howling
in no time.  Try it with a Mavlet chaser.  But please, for the sake of our
other customers, mark your territory outside the establishment.  The White Wolf
also comes with a free shot glass for a limited time.
Jenny's Delight:  Shirley Temple, nuff said.  If you say "Beeeyyutch" just
right, we'll give you *two* cherries.  Be warned, however... too many, and you
may end up feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body!
The Rgt. Hon. Rev.: We must've been on something good when we created this
drink.  Two bricks of freeze dried ice cream purchased at the Air and Space
Museum in DC blended with any and all kinds of clear liquor we could find.
You'll be preaching to the masses in a matter of nano seconds, and you'll like
it when things go "BOOM!".
The Pope:  A high-brow, sophisticated drink that will have you speaking in
tongues.  Two shots of rye whiskey, bitters, sugar, almond extract are mixed
together deliberately and carefully to form liquid Shakespeare.  A whole coffee
bean is thrown in just for good measure.
DISCLAIMER: This drink has been known to create holes in people's tongues, and
other parts of their anatomy, and the management will not be held responsible
for any perforations, accidental or otherwise, to our customers.
The Red Omar:  Don't let the size of this drink fool you, it's got kick.  For
those morning-after-blues, we suggest the Red Omar.  Rum, Grenadine, a squirt
of soda, and ice.  You probably won't feel any better, but it's fun playing
with party leftovers!  Served in our collectable Doom glass and with a
complimentary hand rolled cigarette, the Red Omar will have you looking
bleary-eyed and exhausted in no time.  "Hair of the dog?"  "It's a hair of
somethin', but it sure as hell isn't any dog!"  Woof.
The Evil Maria:  She's a simple girl, uncomplicated, but if you're not careful,
she'll take you down by the Godiva Chocolates so fast, you'll think she was
superman....with a really big stick.  Guinness.  Guinness and mango sorbet
(soaked in our finest Irish Mist, of course).  Good Luck, and watch out for
flying dust puppies.
The Velvet Underground:  This dark, sweet, and mysterious drink will get you
into a pensive mood.  You'll feel the need to wear dark clothing and act like a
moody artist.  It's amazing what Amaretto and Coke will do to you.  Some people
swear that it tastes EXACTLY like a Lady Kamikaze, but we're not sure....and we
ain't talkin'.
The Cappio:  Artistic and strong willed, this drink will have you babbling on
and on about Tennessee Williams and other literary greats with all the
beatnicks after hours.  We combine congnac, honey, cappucino, and cocoa powder
in a drink that will warm the cockles of any starving artist's heart.  But, be
warned, it's more difficult to get a date after you order the Cappio.
The Cole Fike:  It's strong, it's dark, and you'll be flat on your back quicker
than you'd think after the Cole Fike.  A generous amount of superstrong
espresso and dark rum.  We can also latte this for you, or give you a mountain
of froth in our cappucino version.  Order this one now, our special fish mugs
are offered only for a limited time.
*limit one per customer, excluding tuna and meg.
The Joker:  This tall (lanky, actually) cool one is built to please.  It's your
basic screwdriver, but with a couple extra "bits" for fun.  Vodka, orange
juice, tequila (Pepe Lopez, of course), and Grand Marnier in our special
collectible Joker glass.  It's 10 inches high, with a joker emblazoned on the
side.  Some PEOPLE feel a NEED to say that there are subliminal messages about
THE WHOOPIST CHURCH hidden somewhere within the DRINK, and there are MORE
rumors on the way, but these are unsubstantiated.
The Moonpie:  A nice contrast to the Joker, this sweet drink brings back
memories of hot southern summer nights, RC cola, and moonpies.  We make our own
moonpie ice cream out of vanilla, chunks of chocolate, marshmallows, and banana
liqour, then we float this wonderful treat in RC cola.  "The man in the moon is
smiling cuz he's in love with the Girl in the world."
The Jon-jon:  Was college hell for you?  Did you discover you had an affinity
for ephedrine and cloves?  Well, the Jon-jon is for you!  We've taken quality
peach schnappes, made it into a frostie, and added liquid ephedrine with a few
chocolate covered espresso beans thrown in for flavor.  Wake up that brain!
Open those breathing passages! Light the clove!  What are you waiting for?
You've got a paper due in the morning, man!
El Jose~:  This drink of one of our most dangerous.  Made up of two parts
hydrogen and one part oxygen, and followed by a communion wine chaser, it's
been known to make our customers disappear for a semester's time or so, then
suddenly come running back yelling, "Here fishy, fishy, fishy!"
Omega Z:  Not many people order this drink, folx, and those that do have
usually regretted it.  Hold onto your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride.  1
part each: spiced rum, clear rum, and cheap rum.  1 part each:  vodka, grain,
and tequila.  1 part each:  attitude, lack of tact, and bad hair.  We throw in
a clove and a camel for flavor, and color it with blue hair dye.  But remember,
The Cat's Meow:  Are you a romantic?  Then the Cat's Meow is the drink for you.
Sweet and heady, the Cat's Meow will wrap you in her arms and make you purr.
Black raspberry flavored brandy and dry champange is combined in our 'Frisky
Kitten' collector's glass and garnished with fresh raspberrys.  Pucker up and
MANAGEMENT NOTE: Due to legal complications, the Cat's Meow is currently
illegal throughout the U.S. until the trademark case is over.
The Strange Lass:  It's a quiet drink, but pithy.  Lots of witticisms and black
leather are mixed together to form this quiet, but potent drink.  When drinking
the Strange Lass, however, remember never to recite puns or jingle bells.
Leper in Training:  Alot like the Strange Lass, but less leather, and much
bigger.  It goes well with the Evil Maria as a chaser.  You may feel the need
to run from puns and bells as well as recite awful leper jokes, but the general
populous will like you.  It makes you grin like a feral wolf.
The Super80:  This drink is bold and brash.  It will offend the senses as well
as your morals, but have no fear, the old regime will love you if you can
handle at least *one* Super80.  Served in our special "FYYSOS" commemorative
mug, the Super80 blends rum, vodka, Yukon Pete, and strawberry daquiri mix.
"Son, I don't believe you understand the gravity of your situation."
The Sir William Roundy:  A good drink.  Tall, dark, and handsome, and creates a
spontaneous need for backrub chains.  Oooo la la!  After one sip of this drink,
you'll feel the need to wear really kickin' dark clothes, a top hat, and
glasses.  "I have sailed oceans of time for you."
The Shadowfax:  In honor of the no-no zones, the Shadowfax will be a shooter
with kaluha, irish cream and topped with a generous amount of whipped cream.
Since it's a no-no zone, no hands allowed.
The Red Wolf:  A drink all the girls want to taste, but be warned!  This
one goes best with the Miss Lydia.  A generous portion of Fire Water topped off
with just enough 151 to get the home fires burning.  It's hot, spicy, and
keeps the customers running back for more.  One word.  "Yummy!"
Gnome Ale: Long ago, in a time of legends, cynical little gnomes ruled the
earth.  Now, there are but a fading few who remain among us, but they have left
us a legacy, the recipie for Gnome Ale.  Hot, spiced cider with Cap'n Morgan's,
vodka, and a bit a Firewater for that legendary kick.  But remember, never turn
your back on a gnome...they're right at butt level.
La Bella Luna:  Kaluha and cream is our offering to the Moon Goddess.  We're
sure that you'll fall under her spell of love and mystery.  Take a sip and
follow your heart.  "Amore!  La Bella Luna!"
*no longer available
The Sting: Can you say, flame?  I knew you could.  Enjoy this flaming shooter
of 151, and just throw caution to the wind.  Dance like you've never danced
before; wear silk, like you've never worn silk before!  Try an attitude snap!
Honey, let me tell you, you will feel like the *original* firecracker.
Misha's Toy: It's yummy, it's sweet, and it's green!  Learn from me
grasshoppah, and partake of this ancient mixture of Creme de Menth, Creme de
Cacao, and milk.  But remember, one too many, and you become, Misha's Toy!
Note: Becoming Misha's Toy requires the toy to wear a lime green "I Dream of
Jeanie" outfit.
The Muskox:  This drink, put simply, is odd.  It's Dr. Slice.  It looks weird,
it sounds weird, and I don't know about you, but i'm not gonna touch it.  There
are rumors that this drink causes sudden lapses of thought, and that you tend
to say things directly without filtering them through the "Would this piss
people off?" barrier.  If you're brave, and have no fear of getting threatened
three or four times a day, go for it.  But don't say we didn't warn you.
The Lilmisshipsway:  Wow!  This drink definitely is a favorite, but it's got
punch.  Imagine something sweet and saucy, like a margarita, and throw in some
indignant femenist insults, an English major vocabulary, and grind up a phallus
for garnish.  Served in our special "The Clit is IT!" glass.  Boom-chicka,
boom-chicka, boom!
The Darkling:  A quiet drink, as drinks go.  Dark and mysterious with an
affinity for period dress.  Your basic black and tan, but with a secret
ingredient known only to us, and the spirits of the universe.  If you like
playing in the dark, the Darkling is for you.
The SXTU2000:  A rockin, hold on to your seat, non-alcoholic version of a
Screaming Orgasm, served with a cherry.  This drink is sweet and tart and can
turn on you at any given moment.  If you like, we can make it into a
frosty and whip it up using our own SXTU2000!  It's also a drink mixer!  It is
served with complimentary chocolate covered espresso beans.
The Woodrow:  This drink has an odd effect on most of our customers.  One sip
and people tend only to speak in innane single sentences.  As the evening
progresses, however, the effect has been known to lessen, and even in some
cases, improve their ability to speak and flame exponentially.  This drink is
also served with a cherry.
The Cooth:  Sometimes we forget where we put the ingredients for these drinks.
They like to hide around the bar, then pop up once in a while.  The Cooth,
Queen of all that Lurks is a great drink.  Sweet, but with real punch.  After
one Cooth, our patrons are usually kissing the floor, a great way to meet
people, I must say.
The Spike:  Whoa Mama!  This drink will make you want to light big fires, play
loud music, and frolick in the fields of BumF*ck.  The Spikey is a great drink
to share with friends....alot of them.  You'll see visions of horses and dogs,
and feel the need to roast marshmallows after a Spikey.  But remember, you *do*
have to go to work for "da man" in the morning...so take it easy, hon.
God Of Thunder:  Thor, the God of Thunder is the most expensive and wanted
drink in the whole place.  It's a little grumpy, but a sweet old bear,
nonetheless.  One sip and you'll want to be on the fist bus to the monestary!
And you'll personally want to hog tie a Miss Lydia to the front grill and play
chicken with passing 18-wheelers.  All abooooaaarrd!
Dang!:  A good drink.  Freshly squeezed lemonade, just like Momma used to make.
It's sweet, it's tart, and everyone loves it.  You get a free drink when you
order the Dang! by yelling, "Hey!  Blondie!".  The Dang! used to come with a
REO Speedwagon chaser, but those are sadly no longer available.
"welcome to chatter.bar - my name is death, how may i serve you?