-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
|  1278 | CAPRIOJD     | CHATTER              | 01/16/97 | 01/30/97 |     3    |
| Description: friday i'm in loooooovvveeee                                    |

Today is the greatest day of my life ...
Really.  I've been sick - I mean like, fever-sweating-sore-throat-the-shits
kinda sick.  In bed.  I missed work Tuesday and Wednesday.  So I got up today,
called my boss and siad, "I feel better, but I might still be contagious.
Should I come in?"  And she said, "No.  And don't come in Friday, either.  And
don't forget Monday is a holiday."
I love it.  Thus far, I've played Tomb Raider and drank coffee.  And I've given
some thought to Hustler magazine ... I think I may go see the Larry Flynt movie
this weekend, and I hope it can answer one nagging question I have about that
mag.  You know the home-grown section?  The one where guys send in polariods of
their attrociously ugly girlfriends?  I really want to know what in the fuck
posesses these guys to say, "Aww, honey.  C'mere and look at this.  Yer a purty
as these girls.  Go get the camera, and let's show 'em.  Yeah, put on one of
them there pouty looks that look sexy.  Now, spread your legs across our
Wal-Mart fiber-board bed, and show me your pancreas."
Moreover, I have some concern about the fact that some guy at Hustler decides
the publish these things!  Poor fellow, he has the worst job in the world!
Because those are the best of them - IMAGINE HOW BAD THE WORST ARE!  I mean,
maybe one out of 20 of those women are half-way attractive.  Now, I'll admit
(any any guys that deny it are lying) - when we see an attractive woman around
campus, I imagine her naked.  But I sure as shit don't imagine ALL women naked,
becuse that would make me puke!  And some poor schmoe, who works at Hustler,
has to look at ALL women naked.  Poor guy.  And he has to do it; it's his job.
Maybe he imagines them clothed or something, I dunno.
But I really feel for him.  Of course, I have a solution.
I figure the reason for his misery is a simple matter of percentages - the
majority of the pictures he has to review are some trashy looking women.  So,
lets balance the scales a little bit.  Let's flood Hustler's amature box with
nude photos of hot, volumtious, college aged women!  And, to save everybody the
work, I'll volunteer to take the pictures!  I'll just stroll around JMU, pick
out women who are worthy to be naked, and say, "Hey, babe.  Wanna get naked for
charity?"  How can they refuse?
Anyway ... can somebody find the flaw in this:  I say, "I have flu-like
symptoms.  I must have the flu.  I need medecine."  So I go the the doctor, and
he says, "You have flu-like symptoms.  You must have the flu.  You need
medecine.  That'll be $110."