-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 68194 | STU_DRANDERL | CHATTER              | 04/30/95 | 05/07/95 |    11    |
| Description: JOSE~ go bye-bye                                                |

                            LAST WILL AND TESTICLE
i, JOSE~, being of sound/sight/touch/taste/smelly body, do hereby bequeath
(which means give out) the following to the following upon my demise/graduation:
[disclaimer: these are not in any particular order- just those who came to mind
first.  i'm sorry if i left you out.  and btw- these are all meant in jest...
no offense intended on any of them, you pulsinanimous residues of other
people's vomit!]
to robin:  my dearest robin, i leave you a copy of _the little prince_ and
_gabby_ just as a reminder of late nights in chandler hall, and dances with
angels.  i also leave you easter-egg cigarettes, and a good explanation for
when a cop asks about your car.
to dang:  although you won't see this, i leave you the space i took up here at
JMU, hoping you will be able to fill it soon by returning.  i also leave
you the title of President El Numero Uno~ of the Nice Guys' Club.
to cat:  i leave you a 4, because it's better than 3.  the question is, do you
remember what the hell i'm talking about?  ;)  :*  i also leave you my pinky
finger, cuz it's still stuck in your fruit loops.
to frankie: i leave you cindy crawford, because, well, man!  she's a goddess!
to strangelass: i leave you kimsey.  here.  i don't want him.  i'm keeping the
to meg: meg, i leave you my states, cities, and counties which make up SAM,
as well as my tilde (~) as a reminder that logic is illegal there.  i also
leave you a big, wet, sloppy kiss, even though i'm straight, and 30 free hours
of backrubs and footrubs.
to Omar: i leave you my stu_, and my 1000 blocks of quota.  tell connie you have
dibs. i also leave you whatever fortune was watching over me the night that i
got out of a $400 parking ticket while driving over to yer house.
to tsf: i leave you the knowledge that i actually know what the footman means
(the yellow fog that rubs its back upon the windowpanes).  i also leave you the
negatives from the picture of you flicking me off at one of the DAKs.
to murpes:  i leave you bootleg, virus-free copies of all my games.  you've
prolly got them all already, but it's the thought that counts, right?  i also
leave you my unopened 2nd season captain jean-luc picard POG chip.  use it
wisely.  finally, i leave you an acquired taste for DAKs, since yer gonna need
it.  plus a mickey's chaser.
to poppy: i leave you the half-full bottle of peach schnapps my apt. mate left
over at laura's house two weekends ago.
to jackie: i leave you your sweatshirt.  hey- it's about time i returned it  ;)
i also leave you my CHATTER .357, so you can blow omar away when he gets out of
to sheryl: i leave you one helluva good lawyer.  i also leave you some common
sense.  (ask the waitress' permission BEFORE you light up at the waffle house!)
i also leave you my greatest possession of all: my blessing from the ween.
treasure it well.
to JC: i leave you the fact that you, not z, were named next to sheryl.  i also
leave you a proofreader  (Obi-Wan, not Obiwan).  i also leave you a coupon for
free sex with paul campbell sister, and a cure for blue-balls.
to thor: i'm returning the towels and shower curtains i stole from the
monestary.  (i'm keeping the coat hangers, tho).
to judge: i leave you my infinite knowledge of obscure movie quotes to help you
make the ultimate MOVIES quote post.  i also leave you a corrected copy of the
yearbook which doesn't convict you of the crime of working on a macintosh.
to purple dragons: i leave you madonna's phone number, and a cigarette (for the
next time you're at THE END)
to atlantis: i leave you the fact that i will no longer bug you incessantly
whenever something messes up in my VAX account.  i also leave you a successful
alpha testing of SUPERMENU, whateverthehell that means...
to kev: i leave you my legacy in song-
-break his neck, tear his head off, throw it away! *clap*clap*clap*
-"Onward Christian Soldiers" sung to "The Fintstones"
-"shoo bop a dee, shoo bop a doo..."
-"somebody shouted MacEntyre... intosh... Guyver... Donalds"
-and of course, "ba-da ba-da ba-da bum, bum, buuuuuum,  *BOOM*"
to chris:  i leave you with the title of "the coolest guy on BB.CHATTER" cuz
you went to hear me speak.  Nyaaaah to the rest of you posers (except pooh).
to dana:  i leave you the knowledge that my pickup lines DO work.  you must be
frigid or something.  ;) (hey- i included a winky smile!)
to hipsway:  i leave you a seat cushion, because bluestone can make your skin
to moonpie: i leave you full rights to the SRF 2.3 (tm) including rights to
change and/or amend it as you see fit.  use it wisely- 'tis a powerful tool.
i'll also let you keep my virginity, considering you've had it since the poker
to joker: je ne sais pas si tu liseras mon lettre cette annee, alors je tu
laisses moonpie, parce-ce que je ne t-elle veux plus.
to stin:  i leave you an outdoorsy person, who doesn't work weekends.  and
who remembers to carry a blank diskette at all times.
to lady k:  morgan, it was you who got me into CHATTER, and it was you who got
me into DAKs, so i leave you my therapy bill for the next 20 years.  i also
leave you one guilt-free night, cuz i hafta know if it's REALLY the best on the
east coast!  ;)
to cc:  i leave a woman.  hey- it's what you wanted last night... here ya go!
to Cap'n J: i leave you 20 hrs. of completed community service, and a quick
and easy route to the bathroom in case you need to flush the evidence later  ;)
i also leave you a woman, cuz you wanted one too!
to tristan: i leave you all the unread paperwork from survey class, as well as
one sleepless night spent in the AS mac lab.  i also leave you the bat who will
die from second-hand smoke, and kimsey, if strangelass doesn't want him.
to beatle: i leave you all the photos i have of ms. turner that i have from
high school.  i also leave you a homing beacon so that you can find your
backpack in the future.
to sexturbine: i leave you the remainder of my purity points.  i hear you've
misplaced a few yourself.
to kermit: i'd leave you pooh, but i'm taking her with me.  so, i'm leaving you
a promotion to cashier.
to coothie:  i leave you a passing grade in chemistry.  good luck at unc.
if you don't go, then i leave you anything i have left over on FLEX.
to grendel-bitch: at your request, i leave you nothing.  it's what you asked
for, so drink through it!
to bill: i leave you a coupon for 50% off your next roasted and toasted.
to maverick, whitewolf, and mavlet:  i leave you with a hyperbolic chamber that
will let you skip over samantha's "terrible two's" and puberty.  i also leave
you a barney-free toddler period, and a great price on wedding photography.
congratulations and best wishes.
to deb: i leave us both accountability.  i couldn't have survived DAKs without
you there.
to foolish:  i leave you your girlfriend, and a backrub to give her instead of
to zak: you said to leave you what you deserved... but i already gave nothing
to pete.  so i'm leaving you the drinking song, "follow the band" to be
repeated incessantly in your head every time you have an exam to take. ;)
also, i leave you listed next to michael.
to z:  similar to jc, i leave you the status of being listed right after zak.
i also leave you with a NOTICE OF VICTORY for successfully taking over
BB.MOVIES.  also, as herodimous (or whoever i am in greek) i leave you a
completed BONGATRON.
to pooh: first, i leave you TAR BOY!!!!  second, i leave you the number 3.
third, i leave you something to do in hillsville.  i can't leave you anything
else, cuz i'm taking you with me.  oh, wait- one last thing:
(sung to the tune "then he kissed me")
  well he sat next to me and asked me to go to the ranch
  he looked kinda harmless and so i said i might take a chance
  then he flipped a coin and sighed:
  "if it's heads we'll stay inside"
  but it was tails and so he lied
  and then he kissed me...
to evil maria: i leave you the same warmth and compassion that you've given me
these past two years.  i'll miss you!
to nancy: nancy, i really don't know what to give you, except a big ol' hug and
thank you, cuz these last two years have rocked.  thank you for giving me a
social life.
that goes to everyone else, too.  all of you rock!  i'll prolly get e-mail
access or something, so i'll still be in touch.  take care; i love each and
every one of you.
JOSE~@  2 Corinthians, 5:17-20  (oh, c'mon!  you KNEW i was gonna stick
      something religie in here! ;)>+-