-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 68194 | STU_DRANDERL | CHATTER | 04/30/95 | 05/07/95 | 11 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: JOSE~ go bye-bye | ================================================================================ LAST WILL AND TESTICLE ******************************************************************************** i, JOSE~, being of sound/sight/touch/taste/smelly body, do hereby bequeath (which means give out) the following to the following upon my demise/graduation: ******************************************************************************** [disclaimer: these are not in any particular order- just those who came to mind first. i'm sorry if i left you out. and btw- these are all meant in jest... no offense intended on any of them, you pulsinanimous residues of other people's vomit!] to robin: my dearest robin, i leave you a copy of _the little prince_ and _gabby_ just as a reminder of late nights in chandler hall, and dances with angels. i also leave you easter-egg cigarettes, and a good explanation for when a cop asks about your car. to dang: although you won't see this, i leave you the space i took up here at JMU, hoping you will be able to fill it soon by returning. i also leave you the title of President El Numero Uno~ of the Nice Guys' Club. to cat: i leave you a 4, because it's better than 3. the question is, do you remember what the hell i'm talking about? ;) :* i also leave you my pinky finger, cuz it's still stuck in your fruit loops. to frankie: i leave you cindy crawford, because, well, man! she's a goddess! to strangelass: i leave you kimsey. here. i don't want him. i'm keeping the pips. to meg: meg, i leave you my states, cities, and counties which make up SAM, as well as my tilde (~) as a reminder that logic is illegal there. i also leave you a big, wet, sloppy kiss, even though i'm straight, and 30 free hours of backrubs and footrubs. to Omar: i leave you my stu_, and my 1000 blocks of quota. tell connie you have dibs. i also leave you whatever fortune was watching over me the night that i got out of a $400 parking ticket while driving over to yer house. to tsf: i leave you the knowledge that i actually know what the footman means (the yellow fog that rubs its back upon the windowpanes). i also leave you the negatives from the picture of you flicking me off at one of the DAKs. to murpes: i leave you bootleg, virus-free copies of all my games. you've prolly got them all already, but it's the thought that counts, right? i also leave you my unopened 2nd season captain jean-luc picard POG chip. use it wisely. finally, i leave you an acquired taste for DAKs, since yer gonna need it. plus a mickey's chaser. to poppy: i leave you the half-full bottle of peach schnapps my apt. mate left over at laura's house two weekends ago. to jackie: i leave you your sweatshirt. hey- it's about time i returned it ;) i also leave you my CHATTER .357, so you can blow omar away when he gets out of line. to sheryl: i leave you one helluva good lawyer. i also leave you some common sense. (ask the waitress' permission BEFORE you light up at the waffle house!) i also leave you my greatest possession of all: my blessing from the ween. treasure it well. to JC: i leave you the fact that you, not z, were named next to sheryl. i also leave you a proofreader (Obi-Wan, not Obiwan). i also leave you a coupon for free sex with paul campbell sister, and a cure for blue-balls. to thor: i'm returning the towels and shower curtains i stole from the monestary. (i'm keeping the coat hangers, tho). to judge: i leave you my infinite knowledge of obscure movie quotes to help you make the ultimate MOVIES quote post. i also leave you a corrected copy of the yearbook which doesn't convict you of the crime of working on a macintosh. to purple dragons: i leave you madonna's phone number, and a cigarette (for the next time you're at THE END) to atlantis: i leave you the fact that i will no longer bug you incessantly whenever something messes up in my VAX account. i also leave you a successful alpha testing of SUPERMENU, whateverthehell that means... to kev: i leave you my legacy in song- -break his neck, tear his head off, throw it away! *clap*clap*clap* -"Onward Christian Soldiers" sung to "The Fintstones" -"shoo bop a dee, shoo bop a doo..." -"somebody shouted MacEntyre... intosh... Guyver... Donalds" -and of course, "ba-da ba-da ba-da bum, bum, buuuuuum, *BOOM*" to chris: i leave you with the title of "the coolest guy on BB.CHATTER" cuz you went to hear me speak. Nyaaaah to the rest of you posers (except pooh). to dana: i leave you the knowledge that my pickup lines DO work. you must be frigid or something. ;) (hey- i included a winky smile!) to hipsway: i leave you a seat cushion, because bluestone can make your skin chafe. to moonpie: i leave you full rights to the SRF 2.3 (tm) including rights to change and/or amend it as you see fit. use it wisely- 'tis a powerful tool. i'll also let you keep my virginity, considering you've had it since the poker game. to joker: je ne sais pas si tu liseras mon lettre cette annee, alors je tu laisses moonpie, parce-ce que je ne t-elle veux plus. to stin: i leave you an outdoorsy person, who doesn't work weekends. and who remembers to carry a blank diskette at all times. to lady k: morgan, it was you who got me into CHATTER, and it was you who got me into DAKs, so i leave you my therapy bill for the next 20 years. i also leave you one guilt-free night, cuz i hafta know if it's REALLY the best on the east coast! ;) to cc: i leave a woman. hey- it's what you wanted last night... here ya go! to Cap'n J: i leave you 20 hrs. of completed community service, and a quick and easy route to the bathroom in case you need to flush the evidence later ;) i also leave you a woman, cuz you wanted one too! to tristan: i leave you all the unread paperwork from survey class, as well as one sleepless night spent in the AS mac lab. i also leave you the bat who will die from second-hand smoke, and kimsey, if strangelass doesn't want him. to beatle: i leave you all the photos i have of ms. turner that i have from high school. i also leave you a homing beacon so that you can find your backpack in the future. to sexturbine: i leave you the remainder of my purity points. i hear you've misplaced a few yourself. to kermit: i'd leave you pooh, but i'm taking her with me. so, i'm leaving you a promotion to cashier. to coothie: i leave you a passing grade in chemistry. good luck at unc. if you don't go, then i leave you anything i have left over on FLEX. to grendel-bitch: at your request, i leave you nothing. it's what you asked for, so drink through it! to bill: i leave you a coupon for 50% off your next roasted and toasted. to maverick, whitewolf, and mavlet: i leave you with a hyperbolic chamber that will let you skip over samantha's "terrible two's" and puberty. i also leave you a barney-free toddler period, and a great price on wedding photography. congratulations and best wishes. to deb: i leave us both accountability. i couldn't have survived DAKs without you there. to foolish: i leave you your girlfriend, and a backrub to give her instead of meg. to zak: you said to leave you what you deserved... but i already gave nothing to pete. so i'm leaving you the drinking song, "follow the band" to be repeated incessantly in your head every time you have an exam to take. ;) also, i leave you listed next to michael. to z: similar to jc, i leave you the status of being listed right after zak. i also leave you with a NOTICE OF VICTORY for successfully taking over BB.MOVIES. also, as herodimous (or whoever i am in greek) i leave you a completed BONGATRON. to pooh: first, i leave you TAR BOY!!!! second, i leave you the number 3. third, i leave you something to do in hillsville. i can't leave you anything else, cuz i'm taking you with me. oh, wait- one last thing: (sung to the tune "then he kissed me") well he sat next to me and asked me to go to the ranch he looked kinda harmless and so i said i might take a chance then he flipped a coin and sighed: "if it's heads we'll stay inside" but it was tails and so he lied and then he kissed me... to evil maria: i leave you the same warmth and compassion that you've given me these past two years. i'll miss you! to nancy: nancy, i really don't know what to give you, except a big ol' hug and thank you, cuz these last two years have rocked. thank you for giving me a social life. that goes to everyone else, too. all of you rock! i'll prolly get e-mail access or something, so i'll still be in touch. take care; i love each and every one of you. JOSE~@ 2 Corinthians, 5:17-20 (oh, c'mon! you KNEW i was gonna stick something religie in here! ;)>+-