-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 69026 | CAMPBEDP | CHATTER | 08/30/95 | 09/06/95 | 8 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: The Spirit of the Radio | ================================================================================"---REE LERXSTWOOD. This is RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD, beginning another horizon-broadening experience..." This broadcast is being brought to you as a public service by the association of nostalgic chatter veterans, the society for staying up late drinking cheerwine and calculating pi out to the 6048th decimal place, the number 120, and the letter q. And yes comrades, there have been some big changes here at RFL. Overcome by a a fit of intellectual boredom, we, the oppressed proletariat from the 7-11 across the street have seized control of the station from the bourgeois secretarial pool, who we have sacked (except for that one who wears all those short skirts and has the patriotically large bosoms). Therefore we now present you with state controlled socialist radio! Actually, our new name is THE PEOPLE'S PATRIOTIC RADIO FOR THE GREATER LERXSTWOOD CO-PROSPERITY SPHERE, but since TPPRFTGLCPS is a bit of a mouthful we'll continue to call it RFL for short. But fear not! In addition to fearless socialist combat against the unrelenting forces of bourgeois imperialist capitalism, we are still, as always, devoted to natural grass, running an honest NCAA tournament pool, Brechtian alienation, Ladies night, reclaiming those of you lost in the "detached and subdivided" themes of the present, showing you instead of telling you, and making you part of a larger world..... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Putting the "Party" back in the Party Line. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- And now as a service to you, our listeners, RFL proudly presents the real story behind the infamous mass opiate known as Christianity as newly revealed by one of the Dead Sea Rolling Stone Interviews! "So Mr., ah, Iscariot, tell us about the beginning of the Apostles phenomenon." "Ok, Ok. It was like this, see, we were just four working class lads from Nazereth in the beginning, right? Y'know with a real love for the music. Right from the start we had our act down for the press, y'now? Just a real bunch of charming blokes. I was the serious one, Paul was the cute one, John was the witty one, and Jesus was, y'know, the one who cured lepers and walked on water and stuff. Of course, we tried to get him to change his name to something commercial, like Ringo or something, because who ever heard of anyone famous with a name like Jesus Christ? But he'd have none a that. Anyway, we ended up doing some really gear gigs and getting some great audiences. Y'now, a tour of Galilee, the Concert on the Mount, and all that stuff. We even got to meet John the Baptist, who was, of course, a huge influence on the music. We were all big fans, but in those days, who wasn't? He was a real cool cat with these, y'now, tremendous sideburns and naked chicks all around him, an' we thought, 'now *that's* why we got into this in the first place!' But that's about when Jesus starts going loopy. Y'know leaving to spend time in the desert, keeping the fans from stoning whores in the pit, that sort of thing. And then on top of it he says, 'Right now, we're more popular than Jehovah!' Talk about bad press. But does he quit there? Noooooo. He starts talking about being the son of God! Mind you this is about time we get invited to do a gig in Jerusalem, in front of the fuckin' Pharisees, and there Jesus is blaspheming! So, its about this time we decide to do something about it. I mean the guy didn't even play a fucking *instrument*! I did drums, John played one of those Hebrew stringed thingies, and Paul played, well, bass hebrew stringed thingy, but Jesus just stood there and talked about weird shit. It was keeping us from getting fucking laid, man! So, we all decided after the Jerusalem gig, Jesus was out. After all, we didn't really need him, we had 9 other people to back up band, and we wanted to get back to being just the Apostles, instead of Jesus Christ and the Apostles. But the gig was horrible, Jesus screaming about the house of God and kicking the crap out of the T-shirt venders. So over dinner we break him the news, which, all things considered, he took pretty well. So he goes fer a walk in the garden and all of a sudden some nice dressed chaps ask me where he went, and, well, why not tell them? But as it turned out, well, the Romans are a pretty tough audience and you know the rest. It's worse now, too. Even dead he gets all our fucking press! Yeah, he died for our sins and all that, but what about our new fucking album, man? Its good. Really it is. Man, he's dead and famous, while the Apostles are just another two bit Bethlehem bar band! God, I'm depressed. To tell the truth, I've been feeling a bit suicidal lately...." -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Of course its a conspiracy, the question is, *which* conspiracy? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The rest of the conversation: "God is dead." -- Neitszche "Neitzsche is dead" -- God "Okay, so I was wrong. No need to get so *pissy*!" --Neitzsche "Shut up and burn, heretic." -- God -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Because time is the fire in which we burn, and, my, wouldn't we be nice with just a touch more garlic. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- And now, in the proud RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD tradition, anagrams! See all the significant things we can get be rearranging our own name: RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD= Eltor Xio Drd..., er, Dot ref rex...., ah, Alfred dert...... It has just been decided that anagrams are, uh, a capitalist plot to, ah, distract the proletariat while they are exploited. There are to be no more anagrams. Ever again. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: You keep using those letters. I don' thin' they mean what you thin' they mean. <-shshhshshshhshshshshshshshshshshshssshhhssshhhhhsshshshshshshssshhshshshhh> The broadcast respectfully dedicated to agent plaid and Pope FM - Joker