-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 69026 | CAMPBEDP     | CHATTER              | 08/30/95 | 09/06/95 |     8    |
| Description: The Spirit of the Radio                                         |

"---REE LERXSTWOOD.  This is RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD, beginning another
horizon-broadening experience..."
This broadcast is being brought to you as a public service by the association
of nostalgic chatter veterans, the society for staying up late drinking
cheerwine and calculating pi out to the 6048th decimal place, the number 120,
and the letter q.
And yes comrades, there have been some big changes here at RFL.  Overcome by a
a fit of intellectual boredom, we, the oppressed proletariat from the 7-11
across the street have seized control of the station from the bourgeois
secretarial pool, who we have sacked (except for that one who wears all
those short skirts and has the patriotically large bosoms).  Therefore we now
present you with state controlled socialist radio!  Actually, our new name is
but since TPPRFTGLCPS is a bit of a mouthful we'll continue to call it RFL for
But fear not!  In addition to fearless socialist combat against the
unrelenting forces of bourgeois imperialist capitalism, we are still, as
always, devoted to natural grass, running an honest NCAA tournament pool,
Brechtian alienation, Ladies night, reclaiming those of you lost in the
"detached and subdivided" themes of the present, showing you instead of
telling you, and making you part of a larger world.....
RFL: Putting the "Party" back in the Party Line.
And now as a service to you, our listeners, RFL proudly presents the real story
behind the infamous mass opiate known as Christianity as newly revealed by one
of the Dead Sea Rolling Stone Interviews!
 "So Mr., ah, Iscariot, tell us about the beginning of the Apostles
 "Ok, Ok.  It was like this, see, we were just four working class lads
from Nazereth in the beginning, right?  Y'know with a real love for the music.
Right from the start we had our act down for the press, y'now?  Just a real
bunch of charming blokes. I was the serious one, Paul was the cute one, John
was the witty one, and Jesus was, y'know, the one who cured lepers and walked
on water and stuff.  Of course, we tried to get him to change his name to
something commercial, like Ringo or something, because who ever heard of anyone
famous with a name like Jesus Christ?  But he'd have none a that.
 Anyway, we ended up doing some really gear gigs and getting some great
audiences.  Y'now, a tour of Galilee, the Concert on the Mount, and all that
stuff.  We even got to meet John the Baptist, who was, of course, a huge
influence on the music.  We were all big fans, but in those days, who wasn't?
He was a real cool cat with these, y'now, tremendous sideburns and naked chicks
all around him, an' we thought, 'now *that's* why we got into this in the first
 But that's about when Jesus starts going loopy.  Y'know leaving to
spend time in the desert, keeping the fans from stoning whores in the pit, that
sort of thing.  And then on top of it he says, 'Right now, we're more popular
than Jehovah!'  Talk about bad press.  But does he quit there?  Noooooo.  He
starts talking about being the son of God!  Mind you this is about time we get
invited to do a gig in Jerusalem, in front of the fuckin' Pharisees, and there
Jesus is blaspheming!
 So, its about this time we decide to do something about it.  I mean the
guy didn't even play a fucking *instrument*!  I did drums, John played one of
those Hebrew stringed thingies, and Paul played, well, bass hebrew stringed
thingy, but Jesus just stood there and talked about weird shit.  It was keeping
us from getting fucking laid, man!
 So, we all decided after the Jerusalem gig, Jesus was out.  After all,
we didn't really need him, we had 9 other people to back up band, and we
wanted to get back to being just the Apostles, instead of Jesus Christ and the
Apostles.  But the gig was horrible, Jesus screaming about the house of God and
kicking the crap out of the T-shirt venders.  So over dinner we break him the
news, which, all things considered, he took pretty well.  So he goes fer a
walk in the garden and all of a sudden some nice dressed chaps ask me where
he went, and, well, why not tell them?
 But as it turned out, well, the Romans are a pretty tough audience and
you know the rest.  It's worse now, too.  Even dead he gets all our fucking
press!  Yeah, he died for our sins and all that, but what about our new fucking
album, man?  Its good.  Really it is.  Man, he's dead and famous, while the
Apostles are just another two bit Bethlehem bar band!  God, I'm depressed.  To
tell the truth, I've been feeling a bit suicidal lately...."
RFL:  Of course its a conspiracy, the question is, *which* conspiracy?
The rest of the conversation:
"God is dead."  -- Neitszche
"Neitzsche is dead"  -- God
"Okay, so I was wrong.  No need to get so *pissy*!"  --Neitzsche
"Shut up and burn, heretic."  -- God
RFL: Because time is the fire in which we burn, and, my, wouldn't we be nice
     with just a touch more garlic.
And now, in the proud RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD tradition, anagrams!  See all the
significant things we can get be rearranging our own name:
Eltor Xio Drd..., er, Dot ref rex...., ah, Alfred dert......
It has just been decided that anagrams are, uh, a capitalist plot to, ah,
distract the proletariat while they are exploited.  There are to be no more
anagrams.  Ever again.
RFL: You keep using those letters. I don' thin' they mean what you thin' they
The broadcast respectfully dedicated to agent plaid and Pope FM
- Joker