-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 44451 | STU_RSFURR | STORIES | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 | 13 |
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| Description: the greatest work of humor EVER! YES! BWAHAHA |
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The Black Plague
New! From Turkey-Farm And Innovative Rubber Concepts Games, Inc.!
IT'S!
the new hit game that's got physicians all over the world talking!
the game that brings exciting new possibilities into YOUR medical career!
the game that THEY wanted banned!
Of course, we MUST be talking about:
THE BLACK PLAGUE!
now you! for the very first time! can control the course of one of these
world-famous pandemic diseases! you can choose from!
Influenza!
Smallpox!
Syphillis!
Pneumonia!
Tuberculosis!
and, of course, everybody's favorite
BUBONIC PLAGUE!!!
Here, for your edification and enjoyment, is a sample gaming session,
here presented only to show how much FUN The Black Plague really is!
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ROBERT: What shall we do tonight, kids?
JOHN: Why not a fun-filled, exciting session of "The Black Plague?"
CYNTHIA: Why, that's a TREMENDOUS idea! I'll go get JIM and DICK!
ROBERT: Yes, you go do that, CYNTHIA, while JOHN and I set up!
JOHN: Boy, I haven't played The Black Plague (that fun-filled, exciting
game) in just _days_! That CYNTHIA is sure smart! Getting MORE players
to play The Black Plague (that fun filled, exciting, thrill-a-second, game!)
is a good idea, as UP TO SIX PLAYERS can play The Black Plague (that fun-
filled, exciting, thrill-a-second, perfect for a family gathering or even
a funeral or other family reunion, game!)
ROBERT: Now, then, where are the counters for The Black Plague (that fun-
filled, exciting, thrill-a-second, perfect for a family gathering or even
a funeral or other family reunion, and always so much fun at parties, game)
I see the counters for Pneumonia! and Smallpox! but where did the counters
for Tuberculosis! and, of course, everbody's favorite BUBONIC PLAGUE!!! get to?
JOHN: Here they are, right over here, along with the OPTIONAL EXPANSION SET!!!,
which adds Polio!, Malaria!, and, of course, everbody's favorite, TYPHOID
FEVER! (and, for the kiddies, Jaundice!, The Swine Flu!, and Rheumatic Fever!)
CYNTHIA: I'm back! And look who I brought!
JIM: Hi!
DICK: Hi, everyone! When CYNTHIA came over and asked me if I wanted to play
The Black Plague (that fun-filled, exciting, thrill-a-second, perfect for
family gatherings or even a funeral or other family reunion, always so
much fun at parties, and a perfect stocking stuffer!), I just couldn't
say "no!" Is everything set up?
ROBERT: Well, we've got the board out, and the Medical Advances Deck already
shuffled, so all we have to do is decide who gets to play what Major Pandemical
Disease. Anyone have a preference?
CYNTHIA: Well, ROBERT, I've always been fascinated with Influenza! (the disease
which set records for Fastest Plague In History)!
DICK: You can have Influenza!, CYNTHIA, I'm going to take Tuberculosis! (a
lasting problem, even into the nineteenth century)!
JOHN: I don't know what I want to play...they're all such fun!
ROBERT: Why don't you play Syphillis!, JOHN?
JOHN: Gee, that's a great idea, ROBERT, Syphillis! is always fun and exciting!
JIM: Hmm, ROBERT, I think I'm going to have to go with Smallpox! (I _am_ from
Atlanta!, you know.)
ROBERT: A good choice, JIM. And I'll take, of course, everybody's favorite,
BUBONIC PLAGUE!!! So, who goes first? CYNTHIA, why don't you take the Dice of
Doom and roll?
CYNTHIA: I got a 5! Here, JIM, roll!
JIM: I got a 10! You roll, DICK!
DICK: I got a 3. Aw, what luck!
JOHN: I rolled a 7!
ROBERT: Hey! How about that? A 13? I guess I go first! I'll start out in
Marseilles...I rolled a fifteen, so that means two cargo ships from...um...
Alexandria landed, and the card from the Deck of Doom says that I killed
HALF THE POPULATION!!! Wow!
CYNTHIA: You're so lucky, ROBERT. It's my turn now, though. I'm starting
in Copenhagen, so I roll three dice...24! And, with my Speed of seven, I
get to infect Hamburg, too, with a casualty rate of twenty-five percent!
I've already got TWO cities underpopulated, before you've even eliminated
ONE, ROBERT!
ROBERT: Yes, CYNTHIA, but you're more susceptible to Major Medical Advances,
you could be wiped out at any time! Your turn, JIM.
JIM: I'll start out in Sardinia, so I can travel on shipping. Aw, I rolled
a five! DARN my luck! I've only eliminated a village, and I don't get to
draw from the Deck of Doom, OR spread to the mainland next turn!
DICK: I think I better begin in a nice, easy, out-of-the-way place. You
killed me last game! How about Constantinople?
ROBERT: A good choice, DICK! Roll the Dice of Doom!
DICK: Well, Constantinople is only Medical Level Two, plus I have a
Contagion Rating of five, so I get to roll seven dice...I got a sixty!
That'll make them cough up a lung or two! And I get to draw TWICE from
the Deck of Doom! Hey! Fire's broken out in the city, and I get a FREE
Long Distance Transmittal to...a six...where is that...let me see the
rules...
JIM: Where do you get to move to, DICK?
DICK: You know Innsbruck, JIM?
JIM: Yes?
DICK: Not any more, you don't.
JOHN: All right, guys, it's my turn now! I'll start in Florence, and I'll
use my Fast Spreading ability this turn, so I also start off in Milan,
Naples, Venice, and Rome!
CYNTHIA: Wow, JOHN, at this rate you'll have all of Italy infected in just
no time!
JOHN: Thank you, CYNTHIA, but I better see how I do first! I got a thirteen,
that means I draw from the Major Medical Advances deck! Could be trouble...
oooo.....
DICK: What is it, JOHN?
JOHN: They've invented condoms!
CYNTHIA: Oh, JOHN, I'm sorry.
ROBERT: Bad break, JOHN.
JOHN: That's all right, that's okay, I've killed Naples anyway!
ROBERT: Boy, this is fun!
JOHN: You know it!
CYNTHIA: I always like playing The Black Plague (that exciting, fun-filled,
thrill-a-second, perfect for a family gathering or even a funeral or other
family reunion, always fun at parties, a great stocking stuffer, and
recommended by the President's Child Safety Council, game.)
ROBERT: I can't wait for EXPANSION SET TWO, where we get . . . CHOLERA!
JOHN: I can't wait either!
DICK: Right! That'll be even MORE fun for the entire family!
JIM: Even if we don't have EXPANSION SET TWO, where we get . . . CHOLERA!,
I always love playing The Black Plague (that exciting, fun-folled, thrill-
a-second, perfect for a family gathering or even a funeral or other family
reunion, always fun at parties, a great stocking stuffer, recommended by the
President's Child Safety Council, and legal in forty-seven states, game!)
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That's the end of our sample gaming session, and we hope that you see just
how much fun the Black Plague can BE!
Look for other Turkey-Farm And Innovative Rubber Concepts Games, Inc. games
at fine hobby stores near YOU! (Our line includes:
The Black Plague II: Modern Medical Disasters
see the dreaded Carpal Tunnel Syndrome at work!
watch botulism sweep the land!
play five different species of Tapeworms!
The Black Plague III: Hard-to-Spell Medical Problems
experience Pneumonultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!
(need we say more? _can_ we say more? i don't _think_ so...)
Mating Rituals of the Little Insects That Live On Your Skin
Your skin is a literal zoo of teeny little bugs! now, simulate
how they reproduce in the comfort of your own home!
Afterlife: The Religious Role-Playing Game
Choose one of LOTS OF DIFFERENT religions! See if you chose wisely
as YOU adventure through the Afterlife! Gather karma! Chat with St.
Peter! Toast marshmallows over the Lake of Fire! Hunt happy rabbits
in The Happy Hunting Ground! And, as an added bonus, you get FREE
with every game, a baptism/anointment/bar mitzvah/rite of man/womanhood
in a religion of YOUR CHOICE!
And many, many more! Write us, Turkey-Farm and Innovative Rubber
Concepts Games, Inc. for our FREE, COMPLETE catalog! (offer invalid
in Ohio, Maine, and New Mexico, as well as Samoa. Don't ask us why.)
Remember Turkey-Farm and Innovative Rubber Concepts Games, Inc.!
(the Black Plague People)
We're working hard, so you can play hard!