-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 53920 | STU_PALORD | CHATTER | 11/15/93 | 11/29/93 | 9 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: bleah | ================================================================================"---REE LERXSTWOOD. this is RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD, beginning another horizon-broadening broadcast experience..." This broadcast is being brought to you as a public service by the society for left-justified posts, the association of nostalgic chatter veterans, the number 23, and the letter beta. As always, RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD is devoted to perestroika, natural grass, running an honest NCAA tournament pool, Brechtian alienation, Ladies night, reclaiming those of you lost in the "detached and subdivided" themes of the present, showing you instead of telling you, and making you part of a larger world..... -=-=-=-=-=-=- And now, MUSIC! American Tuna Many's the time I've been partaken, And many times abused. Yes, and I've often been mistaken For someone else's food. But it's all right, it's all right. Though I've nearly been deboned. Still, you don't expect to be quite a bon poisson So far away from home. So far away from home. I don't know a sole who's not been battered, Or met its end 'neath a slice of cheese. I don't know a scream that's not been uttered At four hundred degrees. But it's all right, it's all right. For we've lived so well so long. Still, we're the things that the whole world's snacking on. I wonder why we spawn. I can't help it, I wonder why we spawn. And I dreamed I was dying. I dreamed that a pole rose unexpectedly. A man looking back down at me Smiled as he murdered me. And I dreamed I was frying. And high up above my eyes could clearly see A spatula's metal gleam Flailing away at me. And I dreamed I was frying. We're caught by the ship they called the Mayflower. We're caught by the ships that sail at noon. We dream of the age when fishes were in power, And sing of American Tuna. But it's all right, it's all right. Though we've always been oppressed. Still, tomorrow's gonna bring another ol' purse seine, And I'm tryin' to look my best. That's all, I'm tryin' to look my best. -=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Here is my handle, here is my spout. -=-=-=-=-=- RFL presents, ALL the RELIGIONS in the WORLD, EXPLAINED! Winnie-the-Pooh _is_ Buddha. Eeyore is John Calvin. Owl's the Pope if ever I knew him. Christopher Robin is John Wesley. Rabbit is Moses - a foul caricature, alas. But we've learned a lot about religious tolerance since then. Kanga is Demeter. Roo...Roo I'm not so sure about. Tigger is Haile Selassie, or the Foole. And the Heffalump is Mohammed. Me I'm just the bees; that's all. Gods come and go. We keep on buzzing. Someday we'll make enough honey to sort these things out. -=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: First off the cliff. -=-=-=-=-=-=- Were we ever to do a Charlie Brown special and cast it from chatter, we might end up with something like this. Arguments and speculation welcome as always :) Charlie Brown: Frank Sally: Nancy Snoopy: badlands Spike: Doug Woodstock: tsf Linus: pfm Schroeder: 0maria Lucy: lk Peppermint Patty: Carrie Marcie: Megasus Pig-Pen: Ummm...dunno, who's the grungest? Little Red Haired Girl: evilmariomar Violet: cookiewoman Frieda: lilmisshipsway -=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Helloooooooo Nurse! -=-=-=-=-=-=- Now presenting, Elmer Fudd, Zen Master! "Kill the Buddha, kill the Buddha, kill the Buddha!" -=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: Our mind is like a steel trap; very little gets out and what does is mangled. -=-=-=-=-=- Rodents. Out of the Latin 'dent', meaning tooth; by the Latin 'ro', meaning to whirl, wheel, or turn; On a quiet night you can hear the humming of their jaws. -=-=-=-=-=-=- RFL: We are eternally fascinated by the material dynamics of flesh. -=-=-=-=-=-=- From the Stuff You Probably Never Tried to Figure Out Dept. How to toilet paper the earth. First, materials. The Earth is about 24,000 miles in diameter, give or take a few. One wrap of 4.5" wide paper will take, let's see, about 965,486 rolls at 350 squares/roll. Then, to do complete coverage, unless you get real creative with your orbit, you'll need about 3.263x10E14 rolls... That makes for about 8,110,080 million miles of toilet paper. Hmmm. Kind of makes the question of implementation moot, eh? Actual cost, in US dollars or South American trees, is left as an exercise. -=-=-=-=- RFL: Because introspection is an awful price to pay to have opposable thumbs and a year-round sex drive. <-shshhshshhshshhshshshshshshhshhshshhshshshshshshshshshshhshshshshshshhh>