-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 26264 | STU_PMWIDENE | CHATTER | 01/16/90 | 01/30/90 | 6 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD | ================================================================================ Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen (and geeks and butt-ugly-vax-whores) to the first inaugural broadcast of RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD. This broadcast is brought to you as a public service by the letters P, D, and Q, and the number 11. RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD is committed to opening your eyes, reclaiming those of you lost in the "detached and subdivided" themes of the present, and making you part of a larger world... "Today's broadcast will begin after a few words from our first sponsor.. Sunsweet Prune Juice...." "Well, we're off and running." ----- our first selection today is an oldie, by request.... i'm looking over my dead dog rover that i ran over with my power mower one leg is broken, another is gone the other two are scattered all over the lawn "breakdown!" i'm so sorry rover... i really didn't mean it.... and as for the mower... well...now i'll have to clean it.... "hey!" i'm looking over my dead dog rover that i ran over with my power mower! ----- next, an advertisement from one of our less-reputable sponsors. THE UZI VS. THE COMPUTER The Guy On The Right Doesn't Stand A Chance. The guy on the right has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system in a portable package the size of a briefcase. The guy on the left has an Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four fully loaded 32-round clips of 125 grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on target -- in less time and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable. If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 --- or any personal computer --- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip thru 10 inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will to to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminium. In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available in 25,32, and 40 round capacities, so you can take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM PS/2 computers tied into Ethernet or other local area networks. What about the new 16 bit computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find what UNIX means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons. "free Uzi instruction courses are available from the Hizbollah Rod and Gun Club, taught by Mef-Al Schwartz, Professor Emeritus of Arabic, Middle Eastern History, and Enemy Aircraft Recognition." -------- and now, another thought-provoking caucasian ballad: we're gonna take your land you guys can sleep in the sand we're gonna build on every inch of rock and give you guys the chicken pox!! ------- Stay tuned to RADIO FREE LERXSTWOOD, for up-to-date information on everything your mother wanted taken out to the curb on trash day. Coming soon: the debut of our flagship serials..."The Oracle Speaks" and "Lug Nut Patrol" ”agentplaid!