-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 68825 | JDCAPRIO     | CHATTER              | 08/10/95 | 08/24/95 |     5    |
| Description: Southern women's hygenine                                       |

Ok, as many of you may or may not now, I'm temporarily homeless and inbetween
apartments.  So, for about a week or so (give or take a month), I'm crashing at
New Orleans.  This gives me the honorable distinction of having lived at *two*
official DAK houses - a feat I'm sure has been achieved before, but I bet I
hold the honors of being the youngest ever to do so.  Anyway, it has been quite
an experience ... I love everyone here to death, but I spend most of my time in
complete and total misery:  Cats (fleas) and southerners (Air conditioning?
Not until the plaster melts!).  Nothing like being a sweaty, itchy mass of
flesh most of the day.
Although, truth be told, it has been an education beyond belief.  The factor
that has opened my eyes - given me experience beyond that any normal writer
could care for - has been in the usage of a bathroom shared by two women.  I'm
staying in Jackies room (seperate beds [well, I sleep on the floor {wanna buy a
bridge?]) and the bathroom that Nancy and Jackie uses (btw, Jackie's new and
official proc name is "IMPWO" (impossible woman), or "Slug"; use either or,
she'll answer).  I can't quite explain this bathroom to you - maybe the women
can relate, but I'm sharing this for the benefit of the single men.  Or, at
least those that have the common sense to live in seperate abodes.
Ok, I'm not sure how to begin this ... its all about BOTTLES.  Lots of bottles
- repetative ones, upside down ones, exotic ones, plastic, glass, ceramic,
empty, full, half & half, whatever.  This has been the biggest shock for me.
The first day I came home from work, tired and exhausted.  So, I go to take a
shower.  I grab a towel, climb into the tub (wretching at the
cat-shower-curtain) and turn on the water.  I look around for some shampoo ...
and, Good Lord, I have more choices than in isle 7 at Krogers.  I wasn't too
sure where to begin, so I picked up a bottle and read the lable.  Pinapple and
Watermelon bath foam.  What the fuck is this shit?  Then, I find some stuff
called "batherapy."  Hunh?  Bath pre-wash, skin cleansing cream, VO5 hot oil,
Citre reconstructing conditioner, Halsa highlight treatment, White rain exodus,
Pantene ... the list could go on.  And, some sponge that looks like a dried
cucumber cut in half.
At this point I was getting pretty prune-wrinkled, so I just washed my hair
with a bar of soap.  Now, I'm no expert on soap, but this stuff was all oily
and greasy and turned my skin numb.  All the soap I had ever used just foamed,
but I guess my complection is much improved these days,
Ok, so I dried off and opened the medicine cabinet looking for toothpaste.
Damn if this thing wasn't packed to the rim, too.  I won't go listing all the
various chemicals I found here, but they all had vaguley French or floral
names, and no apparent purpose.  And, I mean the thing was filled.  I decided
to invade Nancy's privacy, and looked in her cabinet as well.  Same thing.
Same thing *udner* the sink, too.  I mean, I REALLY hope these girls recycle,
because they could fill a landfill toghether if they don't.
Now, I like to think I'm pretty masculine, but I'm open to new ideas, too.  I
cry at movies can match my clothes, so I figured I'd try some of this shit.  My
highlight have been conditioned as of this morning, so please issue the proper
complements the next time you see me,
"Hey, murpes."
"Hey, dude.  What's happening?"
"Eh, the same old shit.  Hey, I can't help but noticing, your highlights look a
little more ... I dunno, conditioned."
"Yeah, thanks man.  I used some Pantera V-8 motor oil on it.  Let's go drink
some cheap beer and break things ..."
But, as much as I have been educated, I still feel VERY lacking in one large
area.  I'm still not too clean on this whole "femine hygine" stuff.  Yeah, I'm
no bio major, but I do have a basic understanding of how the female body and
its reproductive system works.  But, for the life of me, I can't figure out
what half this shit is.  Little cloth things that come in delicate pink platic
wrappers, that I can't figure out how or where they rest.  And tube like
things, and pads or many different shapes and sizes.  Whatever.  But, I will
say this - I spilled some beer on the rug last night, and in a mad rush I
grabbed whatever I could find to soak it up with.  I grabbed ... *something*
out of the bathroom, in a geometric shape I had never seen before.  It grabbed
that beer right out of the carpet, and smelled of violets.  I need to get some
of these for myself, to clean up after parties.
All said and done, I can't wait to get a bathroom of my own again.  I have a
few items - soap, toothpaste and brush, shaving cream & razors, and my contact
stuff.  That's about it, I like the ability to be able to pack up and go on a
trip inside of 3 seconds.  And, I can assure you, I will not have a rug around
my toilet.  And, be damned sure that I will keep at least ONE magazine on the
lid of my toilet for my quality time.
All in all, one hell of an experience.  But, I'm sure being in a concentration
camp was, too, but not one yearned to be repeated.